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Thread: things movies have taught us

  1. #1

    Default things movies have taught us

    26 Things the Movies have taught us

    1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people--whether they are employed or not.

    2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

    3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

    4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

    5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts: your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

    6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

    7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

    8. Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

    9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

    10. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

    11. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

    12. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

    13. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off--even while scuba diving.

    14. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

    15. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do.

    16. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

    17. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

    18. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

    19. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

    20. Computer monitors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: "Enter Password Now."

    21. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

    22. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

    23. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

    24. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

    25. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

    26. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

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  • #2

    Default 20 Things I Learned From Action Movies

    20 Things I Learned From Action Movies

    1 No matter what my problem is, it's the fault of someone other than myself, and the appropriate response is to find that person and kill him with my bare hands.

    2 To be truly attractive, a woman must wear high heels and an outfit so tight you can tell whether she's cold or not from across the room.

    3 There are two kinds of women in the world: The type that want to go to bed with you, and the type that want to kill you. Both types are physically attractive and under 25 years old.

    4 If I rudely argue with my boss in front of my co-workers, not only won't he fire me, but he will gain a profound respect for me.

    5 If I can find an important enough mission, it will supersede my obligations to perform household chores, bathe, and call the next day.

    6 If I go without bathing, swear a lot, and treat women badly, they will adore me.

    7 If a woman tries to clean a bullet wound and I curse in pain, she will fall in love with me.

    8 Anyone who isn't a cop, mercenary soldier, and/or private investigator is a homosexual. Or at least a sissy.

    9 If I have a prolonged fist-fight with another guy and neither of us dies, we will become best friends.

    10 my arch-enemy will bear an uncanny resemblance in age and bearing to my father, and he will make it clear that he has gained a deep respect for me before I kill him with my bare hands.

    11 When I shoot people, they will die quickly and cleanly, and I will never be arrested or troubled by their widowed wife and children. When people shoot me, however, I will at most receive a "flesh wound," which will be tended to by a beautiful woman.

    12 If I'm white I will befriend at least one black guy, or one white guy if I'm black. If I am Latino the monster / villain will kill me halfway through the film, urging the hero to even greater levels of violence.

    13 If an aged scientist is involved in any way, he will have a beautiful daughter who will gaze at me adoringly.

    14 If royalty is involved, it will include a beautiful princess who will gaze at me adoringly.

    15 If I have a kid partner, he will be tightly-muscled, clean-cut, and gaze at me adoringly.

    16 If I am asked to compete against a world champion at any sport or game of any type, I will win. This will infuriate my opponent, who will then try to kill me.

    17 If I am given a surprise attack, I will be attacked by only one or maybe two people at a time, and I will find that I am well-skilled in Karate and Jujitsu, and if all else fails, I will always have one last firearm hidden somewhere on my body.

    18 If my opponent has a side-kick or henchman, he will never have a sensible name like "Rick," or "Steve."

    19 Beautiful women will frequently furrow their brows with concern and ask, "When's the last time you got any sleep?" They will never ask when I last bathed or used the toilet, although I apparently never do those things either.

    20 While chasing or fleeing from an enemy, I can drive anything with a motor recklessly at 100-130 miles per hour without a seatbelt, with ammunition filling the passenger seat, and nothing will fall out of place Also, no police will ever catch me; they'll just look in amazement in my direction.

  • #3

    Default things movies have taught us

    lol , funny stuff , cracked myself laughing at those

  • #4

    Default things movies have taught us

    here's one that always makes me laugh in , a movie when the bad guy drops the bag full of cash , or a the armoured truck carrying the millions rolls over or something , all the money flies through the sky and ppl always jump up to catch the falling money rather then scoop up the piles that are on the ground

  • #5
    Administrator. Graeme

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    Default things movies have taught us

    this is one that makes me laugh
    as soon as they switch on the tv the segment that they are interested on the news is always on , even when their friend rings and says you might want to see this or switch your tv to channel 4 now , magically the segment is always just starting
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  • #6

    Default things movies have taught us

    the geek always ends up with the sexy blonde babe

    and there is always a horny exchange student chick

    mum and dad go away , kid throws a party and it always get trashed

  • #7

    Default things movies have taught us

    don't forget the horny mum hitting on the teen friends

  • #8

    Default things movies have taught us

    when the school is getting taken over by some alien life form , there will always be a kid from each social glass ( geek, gothic , sports player and the glamour chick ) that will all get together to form one super group pulling on all there backgrounds to save the day

  • #9

    Default things movies have taught us

    just as the bad guy is spilling his guts about the grand plan , some body will fly by in a helicopter and shoot him

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