The Moment You Knew?

[Rugby88]

I think I have come to the point where I need to be friends with the person I am going out with....I need to feel close enough to talk about anything with them, but also on the other hand be able to go out and have a great time with them and have alot of fun and great sexy time with them....

I spent 3 1/2 years with a girl - relationship ended the start of last year - that I could not talk to at all about anything, and I didnt even feel we were friends really...the relationship went on for so long purely because thats what we did...we were bf and gf...going through the motions....

My new relationship I want to do fun things with her, I can talk to her about anything and we have a crazy connection....thats the biggest thing for me!

 

[Bella]

And that sir, is paramount!

Good for you, she sounds like the perfect fit for you Joel

 

[k_21]

My question was more....how do you 'know' when the person you're with, is the person you want to spend your life with?

Isn't that an invented concept as well???!!! Marriage and monogamy I mean.

It was created by Kings to control the population and his harem; then
the king got the church involved so that he can explain why
marriage and monogamy IS law....

And now we are 'convinced' it's our idea and that's how we should
live. When in fact 'biology' of humans say we are farther from this.

Time to think about a new paradigm for long-term relationships;
especially when raising kids.

Devante.
P.S. Sorry to diver the thread.

 

[Bella]

lol Devante, I agree with you.

I think we're sexual, sensual animals & this discussion has nothing to do with the history of 'marriage' or 'religion' (please let us not enter that debate!) lol

But more to do with humanity.

Yes, we can & many people do, have lots of sexual partners in their lifetime. Some people fall in & out of love like I change my underwear...but there is a need or desire within each of us, to not be controlled by another, but to certainly 'belong' to eachother?

There are varying versions of what this might look for different people of course?

Some are monogamous & miserable
Some are monogamous & happy 'at times'
Some are monogamous & are very satisfied their whole lives through?
Some people cheat, to be fulfilled, sexually & otherwise
Some couples are swingers
Some live in communes & share wives
Some people have countless partners/wives/husbands in their lives

And then there are those, like myself probably, who idealise that 'one' single person & what life or a relationship may be?

I think Mckwl hit the nail on the head, when he said relationships are a choice? They're a conscious decision we make? & together, as a couple, we find what works for us & what that relationship landscape looks like?

Seems reasonable?
And makes sense to me.

Marriage used to be about control & ownership & power to a large degree. I think these days, it is a choice?

To share lives & to belong to one another? No matter what that picture may look like?

I have friends who are swingers. They're madly in love, 2 beautiful children, but they have agreed to share their sexual selves with others. There are boundaries & parametres of course, but it works for them? And they are one of the happiest couples I know. Still affectionate & passionate with one another too?

lol

I don't know if there is a 'right' way of having a relationship. I think, ultimately, they're as individual as we are?

One thing I do know, is I couldn't willingly share my man. lol

Thats just not how I roll...not personally.

But then, I don't judge those it works for either?

Different strokes & all that...

 

[jamesyboi]

I thought my ex was the one, until I walked into her unusually tidy house and noticed 2 empty wine bottles on the floor and 2 wine glasses on the kitchen sink.

And just to think, I brought over flowers too add insult to injury.

I stayed for about 10 minutes on that visit, and left and never saw her again.

 

[Bella]

I thought my ex was the one, until I walked into her unusually tidy house and noticed 2 empty wine bottles on the floor and 2 wine glasses on the kitchen sink.

And just to think, I brought over flowers too add insult to injury.

I stayed for about 10 minutes on that visit, and left and never saw her again.

Oh the pain

Don't you worry Jamesy, the best is yet to come!

 

[jamesyboi]

Oh the pain

Don't you worry Jamesy, the best is yet to come!

Thanks Bella, she's old news and moved on months ago.

Things happen for a reason though I guess.

Live and learn.

 

[IRON TANKS]

Do you ever really know?

Eh.. I am totally with the Hammer. Funny this thread should come up. I am in this conundrum. Ahhh..

Some of my mates parted, got back together a year on and were better for it. Now married etc. Some just did the whole 'well, I might as well, can't be assed chasing ladies anymore, this will do.. and well.. I love her.. I think..'

I am highly skeptical of the above. I think people get caught up in the idea that it will be this everlasting and perfect. But once the whole excitement of moving in together wears off... you get a dog to bridge the gaps between kids... then you need something new, so you pop a few kids out and that brings you closer together. Then you work while the other half raises the kids.. if you can manage to keep the chemistry alive then I tip my hat to that. Most (shit I have seen it with my cousins) start arguing over kids, money, responsibilities.. shit it seems like a headache. Then there is the good, laying next to someone and the companionship that comes with it. I guess the grass is always greener. Or, is it greener where you water it most?

Either will take hard work. I just think monogamy in 2012 is completely different to the era of my folks. The amount of times I have been out and spoken to recently divorced women in their late 20s and early 30s is shocking. If I had to choose between being alone in my late 20s and 30s, or recently divorced I would take the former. That is just a messy scenario. I think if you spend long enough with someone, the co-dependence the binds you just as strong as any feelings you have for one another. If you want good companionship then marriage may be the ticket. Sex life on the other hand not so much. I know couples who are only getting the job done once a month. I know it isn't the be all and end all, as you drive will wane as you age and it's the verbal stimulation and companionship that will keep you binded. I had a chat to my mate about this who was suffering this problem, we both agreed that the primal urges a man has for a woman (his wife or girlfriend) really dissipate after the honeymoon period. Particularly when you forge feelings with them. Things change to a more nurturing role as opposed to ripping your clothes off in a brutal he-man fashion. Makes perfect sense why so many married men watch porn or desire other women, despite loving their woman entirely. I don't think many women understand this and not many men would admit to it. Shit I wouldn't!

I am just a mere mortal blabbering away. Who knows. I am just not liking these stats on divorce rates. Good for business I guess (I think that's what the whole marital system is anyway). What a sham. My uncle spent in excess of 100k on a wedding for his daughter. I personally don't get the process. Get engaged. Get married. Why not just be? Do you really need a piece of paper and a church to bind two people? Anyway. Carry on.

 

[JazDSpaz]

I realized after about 2 years of friendship and her dating my best mate (her mistake) that I wanted to be with her, I told her how I felt, she was currently dating someone and couldn't do anything. I said no worries I'll wait, 5 months later I get a message from her finally telling me how she felt. 3 years later we are hitched.

She's an amazing individual, self sacrificing, loving, kind, amazing with kids everything I could ask for!

 

[Bella]

Eh.. I am totally with the Hammer. Funny this thread should come up. I am in this conundrum. Ahhh..

Some of my mates parted, got back together a year on and were better for it. Now married etc. Some just did the whole 'well, I might as well, can't be assed chasing ladies anymore, this will do.. and well.. I love her.. I think..'

I am highly skeptical of the above. I think people get caught up in the idea that it will be this everlasting and perfect. But once the whole excitement of moving in together wears off... you get a dog to bridge the gaps between kids... then you need something new, so you pop a few kids out and that brings you closer together. Then you work while the other half raises the kids.. if you can manage to keep the chemistry alive then I tip my hat to that. Most (shit I have seen it with my cousins) start arguing over kids, money, responsibilities.. shit it seems like a headache. Then there is the good, laying next to someone and the companionship that comes with it. I guess the grass is always greener. Or, is it greener where you water it most?

Either will take hard work. I just think monogamy in 2012 is completely different to the era of my folks. The amount of times I have been out and spoken to recently divorced women in their late 20s and early 30s is shocking. If I had to choose between being alone in my late 20s and 30s, or recently divorced I would take the former. That is just a messy scenario. I think if you spend long enough with someone, the co-dependence the binds you just as strong as any feelings you have for one another. If you want good companionship then marriage may be the ticket. Sex life on the other hand not so much. I know couples who are only getting the job done once a month. I know it isn't the be all and end all, as you drive will wane as you age and it's the verbal stimulation and companionship that will keep you binded. I had a chat to my mate about this who was suffering this problem, we both agreed that the primal urges a man has for a woman (his wife or girlfriend) really dissipate after the honeymoon period. Particularly when you forge feelings with them. Things change to a more nurturing role as opposed to ripping your clothes off in a brutal he-man fashion. Makes perfect sense why so many married men watch porn or desire other women, despite loving their woman entirely. I don't think many women understand this and not many men would admit to it. Shit I wouldn't!

I am just a mere mortal blabbering away. Who knows. I am just not liking these stats on divorce rates. Good for business I guess (I think that's what the whole marriage system is anyway). What a sham. My uncle spent in excess of 100k on a wedding for his daughter. I personally don't get the process. Get engaged. Get married. Why not just be? Do you really need a piece of paper and a church to bind two people? Anyway. Carry on.

Oh Minchia, I love your posts! lol And I agree to a large degree.

The difference is found in everything.

I think back to my grandparents era and the stories they used to tell. Back in those days, a woman showing her stocking covered legs was the height of tittilation!

Woman's liberation has happened.
Porn and sexualised behaviours has exploded into mainstream viewing.
Women are now very career orientated and the raising of the family is usually shared between husband and wife these days.
And yes, divorce is widely used, accessible and accepted when a relationship goes off the rails.

I have a male friend from school, who just tracked me down on facebook, he's my age, 36 and married for the 4th time

One of my female friends is 32 and has been married and divorced twice already - she's due to marry number 3 next month!

I just think...WTF????

I'm single. Never been a bride. I do however have a child, so that would indicate that I had a relationship with at least one man, which is true lol For 11 years and eventually I left.

I would love to be someone's bride someday.
I would love to have more babies to love.
And I don't have the ideal that any relationship is perfect. I think you always have to work at them, invest time, love and energy in one another, always be friends, always be comitted to re-discovering passion and intensity...too many forget that, or it gets lost in the day-to-day of life.

But for now, I'm happily single.

foreveralone.jpg

feels bad man.

lol

 

[Bella]

I realized after about 2 years of friendship and her dating my best mate (her mistake) that I wanted to be with her, I told her how I felt, she was currently dating someone and couldn't do anything. I said no worries I'll wait, 5 months later I get a message from her finally telling me how she felt. 3 years later we are hitched.

She's an amazing individual, self sacrificing, loving, kind, amazing with kids everything I could ask for!

Awww Jaz, your love makes me want to puke! lolol

But it's SO beautiful! Good on your both, for finding the person meant for you while you're still so young!

Some of us are old...and still lookin!

lol

 

[jamesyboi]

Also, when she farted that time in bed.

I knew it was over.

Yep.

 

[Bella]

Also, when she farted that time in bed.

I knew it was over.

Yep.

A dutch oven...made by her.

Surely, you jest!
lol

I farted in bed with a lover once. It was mortifying!!!

We'd been in bed for 4 days straight, breaking only for showers and food. As we laid there one morning talking softly, he was stroking my skin....suddenly he attacked me, I am SO ticklish and I HATE being tickled - I go into the screaming laugh, then the 'Omg I just might shit myself' laugh, then the final 'silent' laugh. Where no sound comes out, but every vein in your head is sticking out and your face is a purply red colour?? lololol

He tickled me, so relentlessly and wouldn't stop...at some point between the 'omg I just might shit myself' laugh and the 'silent' laugh....I farted.

I was mortified.

He couldn't stop laughing, in fact he was crying with laughter because I was SO embarrassed.

I never returned his calls after that

 

[MikeW]

When did I know? The first time I laid eyes on her...

We were both in Officer Training at OCTU Army Reserves at Ingleburn. She was a few rows in front of me in her polyester uniform in her tight green pants and tiny size 6 waist, 5'10" and broad shoulders. Standing there at attention with her glutes clenched. I swear I almost passed out.

Anyway, she was already with another bloke at the time but we hit it off pretty quickly. She was older than me so it took some time for us to move beyond friendship. Eventually she figured out I was a better catch and we hit it off big time.

A year or so later I moved to England with work. She stayed in Sydney and we agreed to have some space to be sure we wanted to be together. I lived in England for two years and she came over a few times. I moved back to Sydney and moved straight in with her. She'd been married previously (when she was 18), and said never again and I thought she meant it so I didn't propose. 10 years after we first hit it off, I eventually decided to chance it and proposed anyway. She accepted.

We're now coming up to our 10 year anniversary so I suppose we've been together pretty much for 20 straight years now. She's still as drop dead sexy today as she was when I was 23. Only now I know just how awesome she is as a complete woman too having had a child together and lived in each other's pockets for 20 years. She's an amazing lady.

Cheers,
Mike

 

[jamesyboi]

A dutch oven...made by her.

Surely, you jest!
lol

I farted in bed with a lover once. It was mortifying!!!

Whenever she ate chicken, the dutch ovens were horrendous.

Same with texmex steaks at hogs breath cafe.

 

[IRON TANKS]

Oh Minchia, I love your posts! lol And I agree to a large degree.

The difference is found in everything.

I think back to my grandparents era and the stories they used to tell. Back in those days, a woman showing her stocking covered legs was the height of tittilation!

Woman's liberation has happened.
Porn and sexualised behaviours has exploded into mainstream viewing.
Women are now very career orientated and the raising of the family is usually shared between husband and wife these days.
And yes, divorce is widely used, accessible and accepted when a relationship goes off the rails.

I have a male friend from school, who just tracked me down on facebook, he's my age, 36 and married for the 4th time

One of my female friends is 32 and has been married and divorced twice already - she's due to marry number 3 next month!

I just think...WTF????

I'm single. Never been a bride. I do however have a child, so that would indicate that I had a relationship with at least one man, which is true lol For 11 years and eventually I left.

I would love to be someone's bride someday.
I would love to have more babies to love.
And I don't have the ideal that any relationship is perfect. I think you always have to work at them, invest time, love and energy in one another, always be friends, always be comitted to re-discovering passion and intensity...too many forget that, or it gets lost in the day-to-day of life.

But for now, I'm happily single.

foreveralone.jpg

feels bad man.

lol

Yeah and then you read stories like Mikes and you think, it's possible. Again I was having a chat with a mate of mine. We love women and have been with our share. Probably too many. We believe it has really not helped the settling down cause. I think if you're young, and have had less partners it is easier to get that co dependence going on early Once you become a firm individual it is much harder to settle.


I see it time and time again. All friends, relatives and mates who had fewer partners and settled very early in their 20s are still together. Is it because they've had less experience with women, or they "grew" and "matured" together without actually finding out their own identity 100%? (shit, you know that has happened when you share an email! jennyandjohn@bigpond.com.. lol) I am not saying this as a bad thing. Shit if it keeps those bonds strong, so be it! As much as they bicker, they're their "one and onlys". Then I look at my uncle who has been married twice (+ divorced twice) and with well over 100 women. I think these men become restless. I fear this may have happened to myself. I think having so many great experiences with different women (and not just talking sex here, each have their own characteristics, some intelligent some funny and I can pick and choose things I like in each and every one of them).

So I think there's an argument for it. The greater of number of partners the more difficult it becomes. But yeah, what's with your friends? Getting married 23 and 4 times? Seriously??

One divorce would be well enough for me. What a damn mess.

 

[Bella]

When did I know? The first time I laid eyes on her...

We were both in Officer Training at OCTU Army Reserves at Ingleburn. She was a few rows in front of me in her polyester uniform in her tight green pants and tiny size 6 waist, 5'10" and broad shoulders. Standing there at attention with her glutes clenched. I swear I almost passed out.

Anyway, she was already with another bloke at the time but we hit it off pretty quickly. She was older than me so it took some time for us to move beyond friendship. Eventually she figured out I was a better catch and we hit it off big time.

A year or so later I moved to England with work. She stayed in Sydney and we agreed to have some space to be sure we wanted to be together. I lived in England for two years and she came over a few times. I moved back to Sydney and moved straight in with her. She'd been married previously (when she was 18), and said never again and I thought she meant it so I didn't propose. 10 years after we first hit it off, I eventually decided to chance it and proposed anyway. She accepted.

We're now coming up to our 10 year anniversary so I suppose we've been together pretty much for 20 straight years now. She's still as drop dead sexy today as she was when I was 23. Only now I know just how awesome she is as a complete woman too having had a child together and lived in each other's pockets for 20 years. She's an amazing lady.

Cheers,
Mike

Awww Mike you're so sweet! I'm sure she knows what a wonderful man she's got too

Whenever she ate chicken, the dutch ovens were horrendous.

Same with texmex steaks at hogs breath cafe.

Gross.
lol

Yeah and then you read stories like Mikes and you think, it's possible. Again I was having a chat with a mate of mine. We love women and have been with our share. Probably too many. We believe it has really not helped the settling down cause. I think if you're young, and have had less partners it is easier to get that co dependence going on early Once you become a firm individual it is much harder to settle.


I see it time and time again. All friends, relatives and mates who had fewer partners and settled very early in their 20s are still together. Is it because they've had less experience with women, or they "grew" and "matured" together without actually finding out their own identity 100%? (shit, you know that has happened when you share an email! jennyandjohn@bigpond.com.. lol) I am not saying this as a bad thing. Shit if it keeps those bonds strong, so be it! As much as they bicker, they're their "one and onlys". Then I look at my uncle who has been married twice (+ divorced twice) and with well over 100 women. I think these men become restless. I fear this may have happened to myself. I think having so many great experiences with different women (and not just talking sex here, each have their own characteristics, some intelligent some funny and I can pick and choose things I like in each and every one of them).

So I think there's an argument for it. The greater of number of partners the more difficult it becomes. But yeah, what's with your friends? Getting married 23 and 4 times? Seriously??

One divorce would be well enough for me. What a damn mess.

yeah I think you might be right Minchia lol

there's plenty of 30-something year old acquaintences and friends who've been married and/or divorced multiple times. I find it baffling.

I left my last relationship, 6 years ago and been alone ever since. Sure, I've dated and had a couple of lovers along the way. But I have been a single gal since that time.

I think there are just some people on the planet, who can't live without having a partner? I like my own company, I'm happy being alone and I won't settle for just anyone because I feel a bit lonely, or would like sex? lol

No, the man who takes my heart, if that ever happens, will have to be an exceedingly special human being.

Like I said....foreveralone.jpg

lol

 

[IRON TANKS]

Heh yeah I totally agree. I know so many serial relatonshippers. They can't be single for more than 2 months without jumping into another relationship. Personally I can't see how they do it, you've only sampled a very few people in that time - but to each his own. Whatever makes you happy, do it!

 

[jamesyboi]

Heh yeah I totally agree. I know so many serial relatonshippers. They can't be single for more than 2 months without jumping into another relationship.

Haha I don't understand how people can do that.

They are clearly co-dependant and usually settle for something less than they deserve in most cases just for the sake of being with somebody.