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So I had a very interesting discussion with a massage client yesterday and have had long running discussions with friends about this topic for a very long time, I thought I'd pose the question to the forum...

Is it ever ok to cheat?

Have you ever cheated? Would you ever cheat?
Is there any reason that it's justifiable?

In my experience and to my knowledge, people don't generally 'cheat' on their partners with someone more aesthetically pleasing...they cheat to be fulfilled in the way they are left unfulfilled by the relationship they're in?

I could be wrong.

I did have very staunch views on this myself, which have been tested over the years, more times than I'd like to admit.

So I'm curious.

Who has cheated? Who would cheat? And is it ever ok?

What is YOUR moral compass on this issue?

No, it's not okay to cheat physically/ emotionally (spelling?)

If you wan't to fuck someone else or get emotionally involved with someone else don't be with your partner because it's clearly not working, how hard is that?

That's just KungFooGoo opinion in his relationships because the bottom line is everybody cheats while in a relationship and if you're in one and you've just thought (no they don't) you're getting cheated on.
lmao Goo....you'll have many people VERY worried with that response.


DKD, I asked you this last night, because I was curious for a man's perspective.

Goo's right I think, in the sense that if you want to 'cheat' something is not right in the relationship. But should you end it?

What if it's just the sex, that's lacking?
What if it's just the intimacy that you struggle sustaining?
Is that enough, to walk away from years with the person you've been with? And maybe that person, is still someone you love, very much?

It's a curious thing to me.
And I suppose very individual to circumstance etc...

I have had these discussions with friends many times, some have cheated, some have thought about it, some would still like to lol Some are staunch advocates that they would never cheat, but remain miserable in their current relationships...

I even had a male friend say to me not too long ago, that men always cheat, for the sex.
Which I don't believe is entirely true.

My opinion on the matter? I had a 'no married man' rule, for...well forever. I seem to be a magnet for married or attached men.

I met one guy out 2 years ago in a pub, he was handsome, athletic, great smile - he spent two hours chatting me up, asked for my number, which I gave him and then went onto say "Oh I better get going, the wife will kill me if I'm not awake in time to take my boy to soccer practice"


We're still in touch, 2 years later. In fact he comes to me often, for massages and we're JUST friends. I made it very clear that I would never go there with him. But he asks constantly for it to be more. He begs me, on some occasions - which I find amusing more than anything else.

But can still look me in the eye, and say he loves his wife and family, would never leave her, but needs to be sexually fulfilled by someone with as voracious a sexual appetite as his?

His 'ideal', he has said, would be to find a mistress - so he can have both women, whenever he wants, needs or requires them - for different purposes.

I find it fascinating, to be truthful.

And I suppose it's all dependant on our own moral compass's....given experiences and upbringing etc...

Have I ever cheated? No. I've always been an advocate of ending one relationship before commencing another.

Have I thought about cheating? Oh yes. With my daughters father. Absolutely. Until I did a bit of self reflection and realised that it wasn't just 'the lack of sex' that was our issue - alot of things were broken, that I couldn't fix on my own. I came to the realisation fairly quickly, that me having an 'affair' would just add to the bullshit our lives together had already become?

I wasn't going to be that person.

But then again, I have friends who have cheated. Who are not ashamed to say so. Some have even fallen in love, in the process and left previous partners to be with the one they started cheating on them with.

It's an interesting topic....I don't really have any clear or staunch beliefs in this respect anymore.

I think it's a very individual thing that comes down to circumstance and the reasons why?

But I am curious to hear other people's opinions and experiences...
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ive actually never cheated on a partner, having said that a few previous partners including my wife cheated on their partners at the time with me lol
lol hyjack



Have you ever been worried that your wife, would now cheat on you?
I knew where you were coming from yesterday Bella lol.

I haven't cheated, and I wouldn't. I've had opportunities, and continue to be away from home a lot so could play up relatively easily, if i didn't have the right moral compass.

When you have kids it brings a whole other element to it. It's the most important job you'll have....to shape your kids life, and be there for them. I'll never be the guy who rolls up on a Saturday morning to collect his kids from what used to be his own place and have to face his ex's new man at the door. Fork that shit bro. I promised this to myself years ago.

Think properly before you commit yourself to a relationship, and once you do, don't break it. If things go stale with time, as they do for a lot of people and did for me, then do everything in your power to fix it. That's what we did....we're having a second wind the last 12 months and life couldn't better.

Too many people give up on marriage too easy. If there were no kids involved and one partner was just not providing any sex, then this is one of the few situations where I might be able to understand the person cheating.
See DKD? I totally wasn't offering you my body sexually when I asked this question last night! lololol

Good post and understood.

Am glad you and the wife have had renewed vigor injected into the relationship spectrum ;)

And yes, I agree. Children bring another dimension to a relationship - and often, sadly, help alleviate the intimacy a couple once shared? lol

In saying that, when a relationship is not working and not right, you don't force yourself to stay for the 'kids sake' either?

I didn't have an affair. But I did leave, eventually. For my own sanity...and his.

I understand what you mean about the visitation thing...awful. Thankfully my ex is 16,000 miles away and I don't have to go through that and neither does he.

It is interesting though. Because whilst sex is not THE most important part of a relationship, when it's lacking or non-existent - everything else starts to crumble down around it. You lose the intimacy, the sense of belonging to another, the desire to continue 'belonging' to someone who's now become your 'mate' rather than your partner, lover or friend...

Most people I have spoken to about this concur - and the one's who have cheated are usually people trapped in sexless relationships or marriages....but I don't believe they cheat solely for sex. It's more than that.

It's the intimacy that they miss. The sense of being adored by another? Of being desired by another? Of being wanted by another?

And this, to some degree, I understand...
Children bring another dimension to a relationship - and often, sadly, help alleviate the intimacy a couple once shared?

Yep, kids would be a very big factor in things going stale. You have to make sure you still make an active effort to romance each other.....it's too easy to forget this and then things gradually turn to shit.

In saying that, when a relationship is not working and not right, you don't force yourself to stay for the 'kids sake' either?

This would be one of the toughest choices people would face in their life I imagine. Luckily I can't ever see that happening with me.
I should add.....even though I'm a fan of perving at the ladies, I see this as just mild cardio.......don't judge me bro. :)
good for you DKD! And agree...romance....aww I miss romance ;)

mild cardio??? lololol No judgement!

Joel...their Mum?? Wtf! lol

buddy and callan, if you have no interest or nothing valid to contribute, don't read the thread?

Pretty simple I would have thought?
I should add even further.....to all the ladies on the forum.....if the guy in my avatar seduced you, would you cheat on your man??